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After using the week before to really examine what I needed to do to get to the next level in my regiment of working out and eating healthy, my focus is clear. My mini-goals are set for the next three months or so. They include mastering my new more challenging workout routine Mike developed two weeks ago, continue to meet my nutritional percentages while reducing fat in my diet, keep cultivating my positive attitude and achieve my next two weight loss targets at my next two weigh-ins with Sarah, the first being on June 19 – goal is to weigh 299 lbs. Goal 2 is to weigh 275 lbs – hopefully by September at the very latest (my own timeline, no one else’s). I haven’t weighed those weights since high school honestly. Above all else, my mental strength continues to grow.
On Tuesday, I weighed in. I lost more weight and “officially” weigh 305.6 lbs – 22.2 lbs down total. YEAH! This was a huge boost to my attitude and psychological state of mind for the week – for the month. Losing weight is a difficult process for the mind and spirit. Learning to relish the small victories becomes key. Not having allowed myself to appreciate any accomplishments in the past, I am definitely allowing myself to now – and it feels great! I should have done it sooner. I am proud of myself for losing this amount of weight so far. It has reassured me I am capable of succeeding at this challenge and in changing my behavior forever into real and healthy living. I have 105.6 lbs to lose to meet the final 200 lbs goal by March 2013 but with each pound that I have lost or will lose, the task seems less daunting and the updated picture of myself in my mind becomes more defined – and that imagine is very enticing! One change I have consciously made is I have stopped telling myself I should have done more to lose even more or should have done this or done that or comparing myself to others at the gym. I know that I am absolutely putting in 110% effort and thought each day to make this happen for myself. I remain motivated and others continue to provide motivation, strengthening my mental resolve further.
One thing that is motivating me is the thought of buying new jeans. I know, pretty simple, right? As I lose weight, the shape of my body is continuously changing, muscles growing, my waistline and gut shrinking…but not gone – yet! This puts me in a weird predicament as far as clothes. I tried on a new pair last weekend but realized clothes still don’t fit well and I have not wanted to get a lot of new clothes only to lose weight at a constant pace and not be able to wear them. I would just think of it as wasting money. I have a wide range of fat clothes to choose form currently. I am still wearing some clothes from when I was 388 lbs….58” waist pants that hang on me, 5x shirts that now billow in the breeze….I have also been able to fit back into my “smaller fat clothes” that have been tucked in the back of the closet from when I was on the yo-yo diets over the last few years…so I now can fit into a 3x shirt and a 50” waist pants. It feels incredible. But it’s a little frustrating when your ass feels snug and tight and looks good in those new jeans you are trying on but your gut is still outlined in the front of the jeans. It’s comical that in order to hide that gut roll now, I would have to go up another waist size or two – just to be totally comfortable and I’m refusing to buy bigger sizes in anything at this point. I would rather wait until the jeans fit me properly, which I have chalked up to a more mature approach and attitude towards the situation rather than being bummed about it. I keep reminding myself I have lost 2 shirt sizes and down 8” in the waist. My well-being is encouraged and the end goals are within reach! I will continue to dream of myself in Jordache…