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It’s official. I’ve lost 40 lbs as of August 25, 2012, down from 299.8 lbs to 287.8 lbs (originally 327.8 lbs)since March 2012. I was excited. It was really happening. The numbers were decreasing. I always thought this was the only validation of any weight loss program or diet. The lower the number fell the happier I seemed to become. If the number climbed higher, it felt like I was being stabbed in the gut. Devastating mentally and always leading to a depressing next few days. I would sulk and wondered what had happened, where had it gone wrong. It didn’t matter. I failed. Some of that negativity crept into my mind after my weigh-in. I thought I should be farther along as far as the numbers were concerned and compared to the other contestants of the CTF program. But I wasn’t – and that was OK! It was OK. I am where I am supposed to be after the work I have put in. I have put in hard work on all fronts. Could some things be done differently? Sure, maybe. Looking back on most things in life, there is always a choice. Choosing differently just once would alter everything about us at this given moment. If I had not had that one extra big mac after the football game that one Friday night maybe I wouldn’t have become addicted. I’m thinking about a fish filet now…wrong perhaps but if I allow myself to think about it just a little, I’m less likely to go out and get one with a large fries. It’s OK that I have lost 40 lbs and I can be happy without the guilt or negativity I brought into the process for no real reason. Am I happy? I am. 87.8 lbs to my ultimate goal! I have 6 months left of CFT. I can do it and I will do it.
I was up at my best buddies house near Angels Camp in the Sierra Foothills a few weeks ago. Acres of mountain wilderness, Manzanita, oak trees, wild blackberry patches, frogs, hummingbirds, finches, clean air and heat. A peaceful and relaxing get-away allowing me to center myself, decompress and think about life without a lot of stress around me. When up there, my friends always are trying to get me to go hiking. I never wanted to do it. I never could and never believed I could. It was too much. I was always out of breath after 10 minutes. I usually turned around and went back to the house. So this trip was different. I joined the guys and went hiking three days in a row. It was awesome. I worked up a small sweat but wasn’t winded and set the pace of the group. I was out enjoying nature like never before, was getting exercise and was able to climb the Foothills. It made me realize that my mental state still has some catching up to do with my physical state. It was such a great experience. I even got some sun! Being out in the middle of nature doing something with my friends was my validation. I realized that while the scale number is a good indication of progress, there are other critical markers as well. Being able to hike or do my favorite activity, being able to sleep better, being able to fit into the clothes at a regular store have been important road markers in my journey. The best validation of my progress so far in the CTF is how much healthier and stronger I feel from the diet and exercise and how those feelings make me feel better about myself than I have in years. CFT has empowered me.
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