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During the past month I have thought many times that the time I have left in the program is slipping away too quickly. I am starting the eighth month of the program and am wondering what the future brings. Everyone tells me not to compare myself to past contestants and their progress, but it is hard not too….sometimes I feel like I am failing. I know it is just my old mental hang-ups trying to sabotage my updated mental self. I know I have written on this before and I apologize it is a topic again but discussing it allows me to deal with it in a more rational way as it is continuously on my mind. I am starting to panic now some though. I spoke with Mike about this a few weeks ago, told him my concerns and fears and asked what happens if I don’t meet my CTF goal and what kind of major discount (…and I MEAN major –like 90% off services – LOL) he will give me so I can continue training with him. After I got Mike to stop laughing, he told me to seriously chill and continue on my personal and unique path I was on. We would cross all those bridges once the time came.
My weigh-in on 11.03.12 was good. I dropped another 3.4lbs in 2 weeks for a total loss now of 55.6lbs. I now weigh 272.2 lbs. My next weigh in is approaching soon. What will it bring? Weight Loss I hope! Sarah at Eating Free has me expanding my carb selection for variety but I am expanding all areas of eating to include a larger variety of new items…so far in the past 2 weeks I have had a few foods for the first time including quinoa and black rice (carb family) and pluots, persimmons, quinces and celery root (fruit/veg family). Variety is spicing up my table and lunch box. I have enjoyed going to the local farmer’s markets on the weekends to explore and am finding it inspirational and good exercise. I have also been exploring more recipes on the Eating Free website too. She is also having me identify non-food rewards for myself as I reach the next few goal stages over the next 5 months. I have not been doing that with the weight I have already lost. I am still deciding on the reward once I reach 250lbs but I have confirmed that once I reach 225lbs, I will go skydiving. I have been twice but have never actually skydived. I am usually holding down the picnic blanket and lunch basket and hanging with the kids, snapping pictures of folks actually participating in the fun at their request. While my past role has never really bothered me before, it does a bit now. I dislike being sidelined due to weight issues (as 250lbs is the weight limit for tandem skydiving). I am very much looking forward to getting in on the action and having MY picture snapped as I fall in the sky. Once I reach 200lbs, my actual goal weight for CTF, my friends are suggesting I go to Disneyland since I have never been. Although I do love roller coasters, I am not sure how I would look in mouse ears so the jury is still out on that one… but I will keep everyone updated…
I am really striving to participate in the here and now – to be consciously present in the now whether while at the gym (which I am valuing more and more each day as “me” time where I forget all else going on in the world/life) or while out and about exploring what the world has to offer – and realized that in worrying about the future so much recently, I may be hindering – even blocking – my progress in the now. Crazy I know. I just need to stay focused and on track. Success is in my hands – and for those on any type of self-bettering journey – yours!
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