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I am surrounded by people who offer support and encouragement to me on a regular basis regarding my workout program and nutrition. I value and appreciate it all but I have begun to notice a couple of behavioral changes emerging from those around me. First of all, whenever food is involved in any activity I am involved in, the situation turns slightly tense (for lack of better word) or a bit contemplative for a few minutes. It usually involves a few darting eyes or glances being exchanged as the others in my immediate circle look for confirmation that it was ok to ask if that food is ok to eat or if it would be appropriate for us to eat at a certain restaurant or eatery; and nine times out of ten involves me having to make a final decision on what and where to eat vs the group making the decision as a whole. There have been instances where a suggestion was not made at all because someone, out of respect for my new found healthiness, will not suggest something or may forego what he/she wants or craves in order not to make me feel uncomfortable about eating. Instantly, I become and feel uncomfortable. I do not want to hold anyone back from what they want. If you want it, suggest it.

For example, while making dinner plans the other day with some super close friends, we had a 25 min discussion/debate on what to have for dinner. After much back and forth and not arriving at any decision, I said that while I appreciated my friends’ efforts and concern for me and for the process of making healthier decisions, I needed each of them to really KNOW – and understand – that no matter the restaurant, destination or cuisine chosen, I was absolutely capable of navigating and handling the situation and making the best decision for ME from any given menu when the time came. No suggestion and/or decision would render me helpless or reduce me to panic or tears. I save my tears for Mike’s workouts! I am sure each and every place that serves food can accommodate the request for a healthy meal…even McDonalds has salad! My favorite Chinese take-out restaurant even recently added a “Health Food Entrees” section which consists of white or brown rice, a protein, steamed vegetables and a sauce on the side. To say the least, I love take-out and am very thankful for these options. It may not be Sesame Chicken in all of its fried-gooiness-glory but it is quick and most importantly, tasty!  Options do exist! Knowing what the options are and the questions to ask and how to communicate with the staff at any restaurant are keys, lessons I learned growing up and working in the food industry. In most instances when going out, I now explain that I may be looking for a healthier option to something on the menu and want to see what the chef/place can accommodate. I choose a grilled protein and steamed veggies or side salad with dressing on the side, if nothing is available.

When stripped down to the bare bones, the nugget of truth I hoped my friends realized about food and eating out is that it is NOT really about the food or the restaurant experience ultimately. It is about sharing time and energy with people you care about and love. It is about being together. Being together is the most valuable experience. Food and the establishment are only vehicles to make that happen. I don’t expect people to change their habits or adopt my new found routine. I do, however, expect them to respect my choices as my own and to be able to make decisions and stand by their own personal choices.

The second behavior I am noticing is that if someone around me is eating something that may not be the wisest choice in the grand scheme of health, the person immediately offers some excuse to me about why he/she is eating it, basically apologizing because they are about to eat it. Why are people doing this? I wish they would stop. I do not need and am definitely not looking for an apology for anything. In the past, that person would have offered me some of whatever he/she was having or may have gone on about how much he/she loved what he/she was about to eat. If someone is feeling guilty about eating something because I am around or I see something in a lunch or fast food bag or on his/her plate, maybe that person has a real reason to feel guilty! LOL I am chalking it up to maybe that person realizes what choices he/she is making may be questionable from a nutritional perspective but are unable at that specific time and place to make a different decision. Secretly I am thinking…Shame is an ugly beast – and so is that plate full of fresh out of the fryer onion rings with a side of ranch for dippin’! But who I am to judge?  When the above happens, I sometimes am made to feel I am the food police or a nutrition judge. Getting healthy does not afford me judgments about other’s choices. I have enough issues policing my own choices and daily calories that I don’t have the time or energy to police someone else’s. I have learned I needed to look realistically how I was eating in order to change it. I am my own judge, jury and often times prosecutor – more so than ever now. Old themes recycled and updated. I wish everyone else had the capability to be or would be his/her own judge too! The next time this happens, I have decided I am going to ask: Is my healthiness making you uncomfortable? Yes the person answers. Excellent I think and will say really think about why and draw your own conclusions…

This week finds me back into the full swing of working out again with Mike at Diakadi.

Last week I worked out and completed my cardio at the small gym space in the office complex where I work. It’s free and provides a viable alternative if ever needed. Thinking back on it and excluding last week, I have not utilized the work gym except one other time in almost 5 years.  I just either forgot about it (probably on purpose) or just felt too tired or stressed to deal with it and work out during or after work. Even if I had walked on the treadmill 20-30 minutes 3-4 times a week, my body would have been healthier. It’s hard to motivate alone and playing the “what if…?” game does nothing for me except makes me feel bad and/or guilty that I didn’t do it and I am trying to figure it out…and I hate those types of viscous circles.

Another thing I am trying to figure out is what to write about in these blogs….Most of my days are pretty much the same – I work, exercise, eat, shower, try to watch some tween show like Vampire Diaries or America’s Next Top Model (UFC or Sons of Anarchy if I am feeling more butch that day) and go to bed. Repeat. Boring. Another viscous cycle. Sometimes, as witnessed in past blogs, I have some mental revelation which makes me feel great and which I immediately apply to my life or it becomes one of those “A-Ha” moments. Over the next few weeks, I am going to make some serious attempts to break out of my own personal viscous cycle of boredom and sameness of routine – maybe a hike outside of SF, try a new farmer’s market, create a new healthy dish, buy some new jeans, make a new friend….I will let everyone know what happens….until then, I wonder “What if I….” but from a more positive and creative place in my being.

Chose your coaching package

Shannon has been part of the Eating Free team as a nutrition coach since 2006. Before joining Eating Free, Shannon worked with Manuel Villacorta as an intern at MV Nutrition in downtown San Francisco.

Shannon’s understanding for nutrition and its medicinal properties for overall health was influenced by her uncle who follows a strict heart-healthy diet to prevent a genetic predisposed heart condition.  Spending time with her uncle throughout her childhood set an everlasting example of the importance of healthy eating and eventually a passion for pursuing a rewarding career in nutrition to help others find balance with their own nutrition and wellbeing.

Shannon is committed to improving the quality of life for her clients. She shares her knowledge and enthusiasm for nutrition and wellness in a personable and compassionate way. Shannon understands the challenges and obstacles of losing weight and weight management and her strengths as a coach include her abilities to empower clients towards behavioral modifications with these issues. She believes that developing a relationship with her clients helps to assess their goals and customize their nutrition plan specifically to achieve results. Shannon is an encouraging and motivating coach who finds the most rewarding joy helping clients discover what works for them nutritionally to enjoy the benefits of truly Eating Free.

Shannon has past work experiences in medical nutrition therapy, diabetes education, program development and lifestyle research. During her graduate work, she created multiple nutrition education seminars for children, teens, adults and seniors. Her guided workshops addressed the comprehensive strategies of healthy living for optimal wellness in all stages of life.

Shannon is a Registered Dietitian with her Bachelor of Science in dietetics from San Francisco State University and her Master in Public Health, Nutrition degree from Loma Linda University. She completed her dietetic internship at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. During her undergraduate work, Shannon played intercollegiate soccer and ran cross-country and track and field for the Gators.

It’s only Wednesday, but this has been an interesting week already, a bit of a rollercoaster ride mentally for me…

Mike and Billy are running some boot camp and are away from the gym this week. Mike sent me my work out plans and advised what I need to be doing. I miss Mike (…and of coarse Billy too…). I miss his motivation and energy he brings to the workout, which in turn motivates me. At this point, I do not have the greatest confidence that I could go a longer period of time without Mike. I need to ‘report” to someone, need to be pushed hard. I need the structure and accountability Mike adds to this whole process. I need a Mike-fix! I have been completing my workouts without him and on my own and doing well, but it feels a little empty, definitely less sweaty and less entertaining. I continue forward though, always forward. I have always appreciated Mike, but this week has made me truly value him. Don’t tell him that though – the gym is NO place for emotions – and I need him to be his badass-trainer-self to push me to my Program goals and beyond!

I had my second weigh-in with Sarah at Eating Free last night (Tuesday). I was dreading it a bit because of last’s week’s small indulgences while I was traveling (Please see Blog Week 6 for recap – DAMN that steak was delicious!) I thought that even though I owned my behavior and was honest in my food journals I may have gained weight. But I wanted to face the scale, know the damage. But before I weighed in, I confessed to Sarah that last week and this week are actually break-thru weeks for me mentally. I was engaged fully in my process of getting healthy like I have never been before. I recognized triggers and how to deal with them. I was living with moderation and was not afraid to take the 3 bites of mac and cheese (or of whatever) and knew I could stop with just tasting it instead of devouring the whole dish. I possess an exercise and a food strategy. I am truly Eating Free and Committing to Fitness with success! My last weigh-in was 04.13.12. I was 317.8. What would stepping on the scale bring this week? Tears I thought. I was right.

I stepped on the scale and teared up but didn’t full on cry. I was amazed. The scale read 310.8. I LOST 7 lbs since my last weighing for a total of minus 17.0lbs since March 5 where I started off at 327.8. – 17! I met my first goal of getting down to 315…and then some! I am so happy! I kept thinking wow to myself. After my meeting, I went to Safeway and put 17lbs worth of potatoes in a plastic bag (it took 2) and walked around the store carrying both bags. I wanted to remind myself what that extra weight felt like to carry and feel what a small relief it was to put the bags down and get rid of that weight. I will never put that weight on again. I vow that now! I recommend everyone do this exercise as it puts the process and whatever your goal is into a real time perspective. Want to lose 20 lbs? Carry it around Safeway for 20 minutes and think about how you are impacting yourself and your life. If this becomes a fad, I will take full credit for it! Advanced apologies to Safeway! I am hoping that this time next year I will need to be carrying around a small calf to remind myself of the weight I will be losing over the remaining upcoming year! LOL. Next goal weight – 299. I want to SMASH through that goal! Watch and see….The ride continues but this time I am sitting in the front car of the coaster, screaming my head off, terrified some and thoroughly enjoying the experience.

There’s nothing like getting together with friends over margaritas and Mexican food.  But there’s also nothing quite like realizing that the quesadilla platter you just ate had 1800 calories!  Holy guacamole!

Have fun with your friends while still watching your diet by checking out our comparison list below.  We’ve put together a list of common Mexican foods so you can make a smart choice at your next Mexican fiesta.  Who says you can’t go out and still watch your weight?

Manuel Villacorta, author of Eating Free, discusses breakfast items. What is the healthiest breakfast for you? Find out by reading more …

Last Saturday, I had my second weigh-in at the Eating Free office with Sarah. I lost another 4.8 lbs for a grand total of -10 lbs in about 6 weeks. I was happy but knew I could push myself even more. I knew that there may be some obstacles in the upcoming week and I had to figure out how to deal with them though since I was going out of town. I kept wondering would this upcoming week derail my efforts so far?  Sarah provided some great advice and reminded me to make smart choices. Mike encouraged me to exercise when possible. I immediately felt outside of my comfort – safe – zone once out of San Francisco and quickly began to dwell in and get lost in my thoughts… Did I pack my bars for quick snacks? Would I be able to make healthy choices while dining out for most of my meals? Would I drink alcohol? Would I exercise or find an excuse not to get to the hotel gym?

I was appreciating that I actually was able to work out at Diakadi earlier with Mike. I was energized about the week and I thought working out in the morning would set the tone for a better week. It did. I arrived at the hotel late Monday afternoon. I had not made time for a proper breakfast and basically only had a protein bar before arriving at the hotel. I headed to the grill and had a turkey burger and salad. Smart choice, Great Start. After some down time and a few meetings, it was dinnertime. I was going to one of my favorite steakhouses and was a bit anxious. After being seated, the party ordered appetizers. I had a small piece of seared foie gras over arugula. Delicious. I ordered a cocktail. I did eat a roasted jalapeno corn muffin. I didn’t know if I was a freight train heading off track fast. I wasn’t.  I decided not to feel guilty or let my choices get in my head too much. My entrée arrived – a Kansas City Ribeye cooked medium rare and steamed asparagus. At least I didn’t order the porterhouse like I first debated about….I nibbled the almost-better-than-sex (but not quite) mac and cheese from the side plate nudged up next to my plate of asparagus. 3 bites later I had to force myself to stop nibbling. It wasn’t even my side! I enjoyed a glass of cabernet with my steak. I kept thinking Big Sister is watching remember! After I finished my meal, I was actually happy. I could have made worse choices but didn’t stray completely off the path and was able to have quality food and enjoy myself…wasn’t that something to be happy with? I wondered if I should lie in my food journal…

At the end of the day, I was honest in my food journal – alcohol, mac and cheese, steak and all. Lying would not serve any purpose and I have been lying to myself so many years before that rationalizing my eating behavior and poor food choices. I came clean and was honest – I OWNED my behavior.  Good man!  I did indulge in a few more cocktails Monday night into Tuesday, didn’t get to bed until late and woke up late on Tuesday. Even with the drinking and little sleep, I got up and took myself immediately to the hotel gym after having a fruit and yogurt breakfast. This was a new behavior for me – the hotel gym. I completed working out and felt great and inspired for the rest of the day. Working out for the week was making a different and better choice. The remainder of my week was amazing on a personal level for various reasons but it was time to return home.

Headed back to San Francisco, I reflected on the week. There were temptations and obstacles but those exist in every situation everywhere. No one can live in a worry free environment. Yes, I gave in a little but didn’t lose my health compass completely. I realized that it is in the “how” I approach, deal and overcome those obstacles that really matters now that I have been educated in the Commit to Fit Program for 6 weeks. I was prepared for the challenges and didn’t shy away from them. I made it happen.

Last week I was making the time to stop to smell the tiny roses I found beginning to blossom in my life garden, to appreciate and be thankful for the changes happening. This week, I found out that I have actually been unknowingly planting seeds of inspiration in other people’s gardens…and it has made me reflect on how I have cultivated my own life garden over the years.

I have received emails and texts from people that have been following the blog posts who are offering me details of their own struggles and battle with weight and healthy living. One gentleman wrote: “…I read your blogs and cried. I have been carrying so much pain and suffering in my heart from being overweight and have basically refused to face the real me…I realized it starts with a single step and I have made that step today. I went for a walk and it didn’t kill me. I thought if you [Karl] can do it, I can do it too!….Karl, I did it on my own but you have absolutely motivated me! Thank you sincerely….”  WOW! Imagine my surprise – and joy – at reading this! I felt overwhelmed. Was I really able to offer inspiration to someone else? Yes, I am…and I am proud of that. Like the gentleman who wrote me, I am taking one step at a time and moving in the right direction. One step eventually becomes 10,000 then more and more. The journey never stops. In addition to the strong emotions I felt from that email, I feel a certain sense of responsibility too. Responsibility to not only myself but also to all those that have struggled, been uncertain and felt abandoned or overwhelmed at the process and of possibilities a healthy life. I  want to be an example to them that healthy living and a healthy mental state can be achieved – as long as one commits to not abandoning one’s self along the way.

Not abandoning yourself is the real challenge. This has been my struggle. I was in therapy for a while with a great therapist, let’s call her S, but I didn’t’ really allow her “in.” I was guarded and reserved and thought I cannot open up to another person only be abandoned at some point in the future. My diagnosis: Abandonment Issues stemming from childhood trauma. Really?  I didn’t want to be hurt again in my life. With S, I was projecting ahead to something that probably would have never happened…that never did happen. My attitude was a disservice to myself and to the work S was offering me to participate in. I eventually stopped seeing S – abandoned her –  and chalked it up to a bunch of bogus excuses. It was only after a year of thinking on it did I have any real perspective on it. I never got up the courage to tell S the truth but one day I hope to. Regardless, I do want to apologize to S. Little did S ever know she taught me so much more to think about and resolve than I let on. I was a weed in my own personal garden I couldn’t get rid of- and I almost chocked myself out of happiness!

In the end, I am only responsible for the cultivation of myself – as each of us is. While we may or may not have a support system in place, I have realized I have to be my own best support system to the best of my abilities given the tools I have. If I am not, how can I ever support or offer inspiration to anyone else? It’s not possible. I am blessed to have in place an active, loving and reliable support system of family and close friends – and now new friends! I am not afraid to use the resources life places in front of me to achieve my goals – be it a Susan, a Trainer, a Nutritionist, a new friend, a close friend that I have fallen out of contact with but in process of reconnecting with…and most importantly, myself. I hope to continue to inspire others as I continue through this Commit to Fit journey. Even if no one else is inspired, I have the joy of knowing I made a difference to one man. How much better the world would be if we all could be that inspiration to just one person – even if it’s only yourself.

As I finish up week 5 of the Commit to Fit program, I think since I was expecting a more drastic change, I have missed more subtle changes happening. I know that changes are happening. I can feel them. I had to make a new hole in my belt to tighten it. Some of the flab under my arms has begun to tighten up as I develop muscle and I think I have found my biceps or tricep? – finally! I can cruise the Castro without tiring and now the heavy breathing is not due to walking! I have more energy. My mid–section spare tire has not deflated like I hoped it would have by this point and I am still pear shaped. That’s ok though.  It’s as though my mind’s eye and my true vision are not one in the same sometimes. It’s interesting how you can picture yourself or what is happening in your life much differently than other people do – and sometimes the small details are missed when the picture gets too complicated.

I made a vow to myself on Monday to conquer certain things at the gym by the end of April. I want to be able to complete 4 sets of 10 reps on the EFI Total gym machine, which causes me the most struggle. I told Mike about it and he seemed happy at my resolve. On Thursday, I was able to complete 2 sets of 10 reps, a set of 7 and then a set a 4. I started to really get wrapped up in my own mind about this but then I stopped, took a deep belly breath and for the first time, I wasn’t as frustrated as usual not being able to complete the 40 reps. It was the first time I completed 2 full sets – a small success but success none the less. A small rose. Push-ups and pull ups are another area I am working hard on but they are only a small thorn I need to get through but look past.

As I work out, I am continually impressed at the level of fitness so many of Diakadi clients have – and of the caliber of character of the folks I have met. I envy them and think I’m going to be able to do what they are doing someday. Our common thread? We all are pushing ourselves – from me as newbie to the most seasoned of gym goers. It’s awesome to feel that type of energy. It’s an unseen rose to us all.  It’s motivating to me. I am even more amazed by the trainers! Trainers I have never even met before have been approaching me and encouraging me. They are positive and make me feel good to be there. I never thought I would have such a positive experience at a gym. I have not encountered this type of atmosphere of support and nurturing that Diakadi offers at any other gym I have been too – and believe me I have tried several that just made me feel uncomfortable and bad about myself. The Diakadi vibe I am talking about is so in my face it was subtle, something small I hadn’t noticed before but will definitely from now on. Roses and small surprises are all around me – all around us. This week I learned to appreciate the small things and stopped to smell whatever tiny roses I could and can find. Take a whiff! I am.